


Getting Drunk and Fucking Each Other [Inquisition Edition]

by adventuress_writes



Series: Dragon Age Smut [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anal Sex, Cullen is a closeted bisexual, Drunk Cullen Rutherford, Drunk Dorian Pavus, Drunk Inquisitor, Drunk Iron Bull, Drunk Sex, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Iron Bull is her enabler, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, and this is before she and josie are a thing, it's great, just some wholesome friends drinking and playing games, like are you kidding?, my inquisitor loves to annoy Cullen, my lavellan is super flirty with every woman in thedas, okay and yeah about the lavellan sera, she's like an annoying little sister, this man likes dick, weapon of ass destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:44:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventuress_writes/pseuds/adventuress_writes
Summary: Inquisitor Karalyn and The Iron Bull get Cullen to hang out with them at Skyhold's tavern. Karalyn, Bull, Varric, Dorian, and Cullen enjoy drinks together and play games. One thing leads to another and dicks find their way into assholes. Also, I used the phrase 'weapon of ass destruction' in the fifth chapter so that's something to look forward to. Enjoy, friends.





	1. The Inquisitor and Iron Bull Bother the Commander

**Author's Note:**

> The formatting for this work is a little different in that I'm posting it in chapters because it's ending up to be longer than a one-shot. I hope this okay with those interested in this work!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inquisitor Karalyn and The Iron Bull bother the Commander by asking him to have drinks with them later that night.

“So what do you say, Commander?” The Iron Bull stood leaning against the stone wall of Cullen’s office, Inquisitor Karalyn standing over his desk.

Cullen sat at his desk working on matters for the Inquisition, “Ah, thank you for the invitation, but I have too much work to do tonight.”

Karalyn groaned at Cullen’s response, “Really, Cullen? You don’t think we have better shit to do? I could be hitting Bull with a stick right now instead of convincing you to come drink with us.”

“Yes, that’s of the utmost importance,” Cullen huffed.

Karalyn narrowed her eyes and glanced at Bull who nodded at her, signaling to her to bring out the big guns. She placed her hands on his desk, covering some papers Cullen was looking at, causing him to look up at her, rolling his eyes.

“Look, Cullen. You’re gonna wear yourself out eventually. Loosen up. Shit’s not that serious right now. There are no blue men hurling goats at Skyhold’s walls,” Bull snickered at Karalyn’s reference, “So you’re going to meet Bull, Dorian, Varric, and me at the tavern tonight. We’re all gonna get piss drunk and we’re gonna have a damn good time.”

“Inquisitor, I can’t. I have too many things to do and too little time.”

With that, Karalyn knocked over a huge stack of papers, scattering the parchment in a disorganized pile on the floor. She smiled and looked over at Bull as Cullen buried his head in his hands. They could tell Cullen was on his last nerve, but he wasn’t about to berate the Inquisitor, so they watched him intently. Cullen’s face transitioned from pent up rage to slight annoyance. Karalyn and Bull watched as Cullen calmed his rage and he peered back up at the two patiently waiting individuals.

“Yes, okay, fine. I’ll meet you at the tavern tonight,” Cullen glanced between Karalyn and Bull as he spoke.

“Holy shit, man, how did you do that?” Bull questioned.

“What do you mean?” Cullen asked confused.

“That calming thing you just did there. How did you do that? I usually just have Kara hit me with a stick, but shit, you went from enraged to calm in nearly 10 seconds.”

Cullen stared at Bull, then realizing he was serious responded, “It’s just some calming techniques Leliana taught me.”

“Cool. Hey Kara, wanna bother Leliana next?”

“Sure,” Karalyn answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 is brief, but it's comical, so you'll live. I'll probably post the next few chapters within the next few days.


	2. Cullen Actually Shows Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most awkward man in Thedas walks into a tavern... that's it that's the joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck it i'm posting the second chapter now

“And then I told Krem, ‘Just sit them in the corner! They’ll be too preoccupied with jerking each other off to try to kill us!’” Bull laughed while trying to tell his story, his face animated.

The group surrounding Bull, listening to his story with tankards of ale in hand, burst out in laughter. Among the group were Karalyn, Varric, and Dorian, as well as some of the members of the Chargers - the usuals. When the laughter died, everyone could hear someone cackling, probably doubled over in laughter. The group looked between each other befuddled as to whom among them was still chortling over the now dead joke.

Karalyn chuckled and pointed to the second floor, “Guys, it’s Sera,” the elf was literally rolling on the floor laughing.

“Sera, come down here and join us!” Bull shouted his offer up to her.

“Nah, I prefer the view up ‘ere,” Sera winked drunkenly at the group then took a swig of ale from her tankard.

The group shifted their collective view from Sera back to each other, then Karalyn piped in, “Is it just me or is Sera kind hot?”

As a response, the group ignored Karalyn’s question. They picked up where they left off, intermingling and talking amongst themselves as they drank. Karalyn, Varric, Dorian, Bull, and Krem were discussing the dichotomy of the chantry and assfucking when they heard the tavern door open then shut again as someone entered the cacophony that was Skyhold’s tavern. Karalyn and Bull had been watching the door for Cullen and they half expected him to not attend their small gathering.

“Hey, boss, looks like commander pixie dust is here,” Bull notified Karalyn.

“You guys invited Curly? This will be interesting,” Varric commented with his signature smirk.

“The tension in here is real,” Karalyn remarked, cringing at the awkward silence that came over the bar as Cullen walked in.

“The people in here must think he’s come here to shut the drunken festivity down,” Dorian pointed out, finishing off his glass of wine and signalling the bartender for a refill.

“Not while the fuckin’ Inquisitor’s here, my friend,” Karalyn quipped.

“Yeah, this is bad… Okay, I got this one,” Bull assured them confidently.

Bull strided over to the bar and snatched a tankard of ale, his large hand clutching the tankard as if it was the saviour of Thedas. He hurried over to Cullen who stood awkwardly to the west side of the room.

“I’m glad you came, Commander!” Bull greeted Cullen who graciously accepted the tankard of ale Bull offered him.

Cullen raised a hand to the back of his neck uncomfortably, “I’m not quite sure I am.”

Bull gave Cullen a reassuring look, “Well, hey, listen, the group is over there,” Bull pointed to area that Karalyn, Dorian, and Varric stood conversing, “Just stay for an hour and let’s play it by ear. You might even have fun!”

“You’re right,” Cullen glanced towards the group, “Let’s head over.”

Bull smiled at Cullen and strolled over to their friends with him.

“Hey, Curly, how’s it going?” Varric asked him.

“It’s fine. I spent the afternoon picking papers off my office floor,” Cullen shot a look at Karalyn who snickered, “but now I’ve got an ale in hand, so I’m fine.”

Dorian noticed the look Cullen threw Karalyn, “Oh, Kara, are you abusing the Commander again?”

“What do you mean again? That bucket over his door was all Sera’s idea.” Karalyn insisted, Varric chuckling at her comment.

“I have an idea, guys. Let’s play a game,” Bull suggested with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Tiny, I feel like this game begins with that shit-eating grin and ends with dragon killing and masturbation,” Varric jested.

“That would be cool, but no. I was thinking more like truth or dare. Maybe even two truths and a lie.”

“Shit, those are classics! Let’s do it,” Karalyn replied excitedly.

“I’m sorry, are we children at a slumber party or grown adults getting drunk in a tavern?” Dorian inquired sarcastically.

“Well, I don’t know. What do you think, Cullen,” Bull asked him.

“We could start with two truths and a lie then play truth or dare, if everyone is okay with that,” Cullen responded.

They nodded their heads, Dorian rolled his eyes as he finished off another glass of wine, “I need to be drunk for this,” he remarked.

“I’ll drink to that, Sparkler,” Varric downed his ale in one gulp then slammed his tankard on the table.


	3. Two Truths and A Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so it continues

“Well, then, Bull, how about you start?” Karalyn proposed.

“Yeah okay. So I originally called the Chargers the Fighters. I lost my eye saving Krem from a flail. And once someone paid me to eat a handful of dirt.”

Karalyn laughed, “You would eat a handful of dirt if someone paid you?”

Bull grinned and shrugged his shoulders, abstaining from speaking, knowing that Karalyn was baiting him.

“Okay, Tiny, I feel like calling the Chargers the Fighters is something you would’ve told me,” Varric eyed Bull suspiciously.

“Maybe,” Bull answered still smiling.

“Yeah, the first one is a lie isn’t?” Dorian decided.

“Ha ha! You guys got me! You’re right,” Bull smiled.

“YOU ATE A HANDFUL A DIRT?” Karalyn asked Bull incredulously.

Bull chuckled, “Yeah, but I’m not doing it again. Not even for 1,000 sovereigns. Well, Cullen, it’s your turn now.”

“Uhh, okay. I have three siblings, my favorite game is chess, and I’ve always wanted a fennec as a pet.”

“A fennec? Not a dog or cat?” Dorian asked.

“Hmm, well I know you love chess, you play it all the time, but is it your favorite?” Varric thought aloud.

“Wait, you don’t like fennecs. I overheard you talking to an Inquisition agent and you said to collect more fennec fur because they’re useless creatures,” Karalyn divulged. Bull and Dorian gave her a surprised look, “Hey, not my words. Fennecs are fuckin’ adorable,” she assured.

“No, I’m looking at you like this because that sounds like something Leliana would do,” Dorian corrected.

“Well, I have been hanging around her a lot. I guess her habits are rubbing off on me,” Karalyn chuckled.

“I’m not surprised,” Cullen joked, “And you’re right, Inquisitor. Fennecs are the bane of my existence.”

“Really? Why? What did those tiny creatures do to you?” she asked.

“When I was younger, a fennec stole the dessert my mother had made for my siblings and me.”

“So this was like a week ago?” Karalyn retorted snappily.

“Oh, ha ha,” Cullen rolled his eyes at Karalyn’s terrible joke.

“Hey, hey, Kara, this man has been through a lot. Someone stole his sweetroll,” Bull’s wisecrack caused him and Karalyn to giggle.

“Ugh you two. Well, it’s my turn now,” Dorian notified the group, “First, when I was a child, I wanted to be a dragon when I grew up. Secondly, I actually identify as pansexual, not gay. Third, I’ve never had a one night stand,” the mage smiled at his companions, proud of himself for coming up with a difficult set of two truths, one lie.

“You can’t have never had a one night stand! They’re so fun!” Bull remarked.

“Nah, I know you so well Dorian and you are gay as fuck,” Karalyn smirked knowingly.

“Just like you, sweetheart,” Dorian and Karalyn did a gay high five, proud of gay they are.

“I’ll fuck anyone. Woo,” Bull said weakly raising his arms in mock celebration.

“Ahh, you’re in the club too, Bull,” Karalyn patted Bull on his biceps reassuringly who smiled gratefully at her, “Anyway, I got some two truths, one lie shit lined up. Before I realized I was super gay I made some mistakes and fucked a guy, I met the Hero of Ferelden once at a Dalish clan thing, and when it comes to drinking, I’m a total lightweight.”

“You? Karalyn Lavellan have lain with a man? I don’t buy it,” Dorian suspected.

“I don’t know Dorian, some of us gays go through shit like that,” Bull countered.

“Well, I don’t know. I know some Dalish lore, it seems far-fetched that you met Gilliriel Mahariel. Don’t they separate the children from other clans? Also the age gap doesn’t compute. Say you were five, she would’ve been fourteen or fifteen, right?” Varric reasoned.

“Are you locking that in Varric?” Karalyn smirked at the smug dwarf.

“Yeah, I’m locking that in.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I wish I met her. Leliana talks about her all the time and it’s so cute when she swoons over her!”

“I met the Hero at the Circle Tower. I really respect her now, but she probably hates me for what I did,” Cullen commented.

“Gilliriel? No, the way Leliana talks about her she seems so sweet!”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s sweet when she’s slaying darkspawn with her bloodstained battleaxe,” Varric laughed.

“Ha! Point taken,” Karalyn agreed with Varric’s humorous statement, “So, do you have some truths and lies for us, Varric?”

“Yeah, so when I was learning to fight, I actually preferred to use a bow. Despite what I’ve said about ‘Swords and Shields,’ it’s secretly one of my favorite books that I wrote. Even though I give everyone of my good friends a nickname, Hawke never got a nickname from me.”

“What? You didn’t give Hawke a nickname? She’s so sarcastic, I love her, you must’ve given her a nickname!” Karalyn insisted.

“No, he hates, ‘Swords and Shields,’ Karalyn, and he calls Hawke by her actual name,” Dorian rationalized.

“Ah, you got me, Sparkler! I wish I could pluck ‘Swords and Shields’ from everyone with a copy and burn it all. Hawke told me, and I quote, ‘It wasn’t gay enough,’ and I agreed!” Varric said in between quick swigs of his ale, finishing his fourth drink.

“Fuck, Varric, how many drinks have you had! You’re not even drunk!” Karalyn observed.

“Or am I?” Varric posed his rhetorical question with an eyebrow waggle.

Karalyn giggled, “Guys, I have to say, I’m so drunk right now.”

“You haven’t even finished your second ale!” Dorian sniggered, finding himself tipsy.

“Speaking of which, does anyone need another drink before we start truth or dare?” Bull asked his friends thoughtfully.

Karalyn chugged the rest of her ale, slammed it on the table, and wiped her mouth, “Yeah, get me another one.”

Bull took Karalyn’s tankard and Varric’s, who handed his over, “Anyone else? Cullen, you’re still on your first one.”

Cullen sighed, “Oh maker, what the hell,” then he downed the final gulp of his drink and handed off the tankard to Bull.

“Alright, I’ll go get your drinks, then we’ll play truth or dare, so start brewing some of that shit!” Bull hurried to the bar to get Karalyn, Varric, and Cullen their drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i guess i kinda forgot about this for like a week there so here ya go! two chapters left!


	4. Truth or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our inebriated companions play truth or dare

“Here ya go, guys,” Bull handed Karalyn, Varric, and Cullen their freshly filled tankards.

Karalyn thanked Bull, then continued the conversation, “So truth or dare? Who asks first?”

“You can if you’d like, Kara,” Bull replied, sitting down at the table the others sat around.

Karalyn scrutinized her friends around the table trying to decide who to ask first, then settled on Varric who sat across from her, “ Varric, truth or dare?”

“Dare! Let’s go Kara, give me something dumb to do!” Varric said in between inebriated chortles.

“I fuckin’ dare you to get everyone’s attention in the tavern then dance around in a circle yelling ‘smut’ the whole time,” Karalyn challenged Varric.

“Done. Table, hold my ale,” Varric got up from his seat and headed to the center of the room, stumbling a few times on the way there, then he shouted, “Hey assholes! Watch this shit!” Varric began to conga with invisible dwarves and instead of yelling the ‘conga, conga, conga’ jingle, he roared ‘smut, smut, smut.’

Karalyn fell out of her seat and found herself in a terrible laughing fit. Bull slammed his hands on the table dying of laughter, laughing so hard he squeezed out a few tears. Dorian, unfortunately had taken a swig of wine before this spectacle began and the wine ended up all over the place after being forcefully expelled through Dorian’s nose and his laughter became painful. Cullen watched in what he thought was horror, but he realized he was buzzed and rapidly becoming drunk and to his astonishment was cracking up at Varric’s drunken antics.

After a few minutes, Varric got tired of dancing around and yelling so he stumbled back to the table, dizzy and drunk. He sat contentedly and began guzzling his ale.

Karalyn picked herself off the floor and sat back at the table, “Oh my god, he is drunk.”

Varric chuckled, “Now it’s my turn to ask. Curly, truth or dare.”

Cullen thought for a moment, “Truth?”

“Is it true that you have a crush on a guy here at Skyhold?”

Before Cullen could answer Dorian chimed in, “Well, fuck, we are children at a slumber party aren’t we?”

All their eyes were on Cullen awaiting an answer, but their only response for a while was an uncomfortable, embarrassed, tipsy Commander. Finally, though he is able to get out a quiet, “Yeah.”

“OHhhhhHHhh SHiiIit,” Karalyn guffawed.

“Varric, how did you know?” Cullen tried whispering, but his drunken self didn’t have a concept of voice volume.

“Look, Curly, I have my ways,” Varric smirked.

“Now, it’s your turn, Cullen,” Dorian informed.

“Uhh, right,” Cullen scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, then looked to his friends, “Dorian, truth or dare?”

“I’ll play it safe,” Dorian took a sip of his wine, “Truth.”

“Hmm okay, is it true that you and Bull are together?”

Dorian stared Cullen dead in the eyes, smiling devilishly, and told him, “Yes.”

“But we’re looking for a third!” Bull interjected, half joking, half serious.

Cullen laughed, his face still red from blushing, “Ahh, good to know.”

“So Bull, truth or-” Dorian was stopped short by Sera jumping onto the table.

“Someone give me a dare!” Sera yelled, her words slurred.

Dorian groaned, but then began laughing drunkenly, slyly grinning, “Alright, Sera, I dare you to kiss Karalyn.”

“Alright,” Sera winked at Dorian then turned her attention to Karalyn. She kneeled down on the table then told Karalyn, “I’m gonna kiss ya know.”

A completely sloshed Karalyn began giggling as Sera closed the distance between their lips. The two intoxicated women made out sloppily, but even so, it was still hot. Sera tried pulling away, but Karalyn leaned in to kiss her again. Sera succeeded in pulling her lips away from Karalyn and stood up on the table.

“You’re gonna hafta’ come to my room for more, Kara,” Sera smirked then leapt of the table and disappeared upstairs.

Karalyn searched for a go ahead from her friends, “Go get ‘er, tiger,” Varric allowed. And with that, Karalyn stood from her chair and darted up the tavern stairs after Sera.

“Uh, right, so who’s turn is it?” Bull snickered.

“Go for it, Bull,” Dorian recommended.

“Culleeeeeennnn,” Bull smiled at Cullen, “Truth or dare, commander pixie dust.”

“Commander pixie dust?” Cullen inquired, befeuddled.

“Ah, don’t worry about it, truth or dare?

“I’ll go with dare this time.”

“I dare you to have a threesome with Dorian and me.”

Cullen’s eyes widened, and he tried to understand what Bull just dared him to do through his drunken haze “Sorry, what?”

“Let’s fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOOOOO'S READYYYY FOR THE LAST CHAPTEEEERRRRRR???


	5. This Is the Part Where The Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yep, here it is, you lovely sluts, the threesome i promised is finally here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in my university's library and i am not ashamed.

Cullen gazed at Dorian and Bull incredulously, trying to decide what to say and do. He peeked over at Varric who was leaning back in his seat smiling at Cullen.

“Listen, Cullen, we’re gonna leave the bar and start heading to your room, you can follow or not, but I can guarantee you we’re gonna christen your bed ‘cause we know you haven’t yet,” Dorian slurred, his grammar falling through pit holes with his run-on sentences and lazy pronunciation.

Dorian and Bull stood up from the table. Dorian immediately stumbled and almost flipped the circular table they were previously sitting at. Bull went to Dorian’s aid and helped Dorian walk to the door. Cullen didn’t even realize he got up and followed them.

Dorian turned around, no longer leaning on Bull, “Glad to see you’re joining us, Cull-” his comment was cut off as he fell backwards.

Bull laughed as he plucked Dorian up off the floor and threw the slim man over his shoulder. The three men exited the bar and took the flight of stairs up the battlements. They made the short walk to Cullen’s office.

“So, where’s the bed?” Bull asked, an inebriated Dorian slung over his broad shoulder.

Cullen pointed to the ladder to the left, “Up the ladder.”

Bull groaned dramatically, “You have to climb a ladder to get to your bed! Why?”

Cullen silently shrugged his shoulders and began climbing the ladder to his loft bedroom. Bull followed carefully up with Dorian in tow. Dorian laughed drunkenly as Bull threw the mage onto Cullen’s bed. Dorian’s infectious laughter was quickly spread to an intoxicated Bull and Cullen. Soon all three men were on Cullen’s bed with their sides in stitches from their drunken laughter. Eventually the laughter subsided and was replaced by something carnal. Dorian started undoing Cullen’s trousers as Bull pulled off Dorian’s trousers. Bull completely stripped in a matter of a few seconds, unleashing his massive qunari cock. Cullen looked up from Dorian who had just about undid the clasps on Cullen’s trousers to catch a glimpse of Bull’s member. He chuckled, unsurprised that Bull dick was so huge.

“What?” Bull asked Cullen with a smirk.

“Oh nothing. I'm just glad to be here,” Cullen mimicked Bull’s smirk.

“Oh, you will be darling,” Dorian responded, slurring his words.

Bull slapped Dorian’s bare ass, chuckling, “You're such a fucking lightweight, Dorian.”

Dorian giggled wordlessly at the thought of the intense pleasure he was about to feel. The mage shoved Cullen’s trousers do his legs to reveal Cullen’s erect cock. Dorian smiled enticingly at Cullen as he wrapped his lips around Cullen’s dick, sucking on it happily. Bull slowly penetrated Dorian’s ass as the Tevinter begain giving the commander a blow job. As a response to being pleasured by Dorian’s lips and silver tongue, Cullen began to gently thrust his cock into Dorian’s mouth. Dorian moaned as Bull and Cullen fucked him from both ends. Bull slapped Dorian's ass cheeks every so often, knowing the mage found pleasure in being roughly handled during sex.

“Grab his hair. He'll blow you even harder,” Bull suggested to Cullen.

Cullen heeded Bull's advice and obliged Dorian by pulling on the mage’s wavy black hair. Sure enough, this action turned Dorian on more, motivating him to go crazy on Cullen’s dick. He deep-throated Cullen like a champ as Bull plowed him. The qunari groaned in elation as he sped up his thrusts feeling his climax swiftly approaching.

“Ahh, Dorian, I-” Cullen cried.

“Cum in his mouth, Cullen,” Bull commanded gruffly.

Upon hearing the brief interaction between Bull and Cullen, he sucked Cullen’s dick harder and only stopped when he felt the sticky substance he knew all too well be expelled from the tip of Cullen’s member. Cullen moaned in a pleasured reply, reaching his climax. He bent down to kiss Dorian full in the lips. They exchanged spit and Cullen’s cum in a heated entanglement of their tongues.

Bull roared in pleasure as he reached his climax and came in Dorian’s asshole. Dorian shuddered with ecstasy, but continued to make out with Cullen. Bull slapped Dorian's asscheek one last time before collapsing on the bed next to Dorian and Cullen. Bull reached out to clutch Dorian's erect cock and began giving Dorian a handjob as the mage continued to lock lips with Cullen.

Upon recognizing his opportunity, Cullen stopped kissing Dorian and turned his attention to Bull's dick, “Bull, can I-”

“Ride me? Fuck yes. Get over here, Cullen.”

Cullen found himself obeying Bull's every command, lusting after qunari’s giant cock. He straddled Bull as Dorian laid over on his side, still receiving a hand job from Bull. The qunari reached around Cullen and stuck his index finger in his asshole. Cullen let out a breathy laugh in response.

“You ready, commander?” Bull smirked.

Cullen nodded affirmatively with a slightly nervous smile. He shifted so that Bull could more easily guide his weapon of ass destruction into Cullen. The blonde haired commander placed his hands on Bull's chest, moaning as the qunari’s cock slid deeper and deeper into him. Dorian began moaning as well, creating a two man symphony which rapidly became a three man symphony. Bull discontinued to jerk off Dorian in order to grip Cullen’s hips. Dorian was close to a climax of his own so he started where Bull left off, beating his own meat, while watching the two men in front of him fuck. With that, Dorian let out a pleasured moan and ejaculated on Bull's abs, a bit landing on Cullen's arm. Bull sensually wiped a bit of Dorian's cum off his abs with his middle finger and licked the cum off his finger. Dorian smiled and leaned over to kiss Bull. They moaned into each other's mouths as their lips collided.

“Ahh, Bull!” Cullen shouted in euphoria.

Bull started thrusting faster and harder into Cullen’s asshole, while the commander screamed in pleasure. Cullen’s cock bounced on and off of Bull’s abs with every thrust, stimulating him. He climaxed powerfully, cum flying everywhere and hit both Bull and Dorian. Bull continued thrusting Cullen, causing the commander to cry out in between moans, until finally, Bull climaxed, pulling out of Cullen just before cumming onto Cullen’s back. Cullen collapsed on the bed and onto his tummy, breathing heavily. Bull and Dorian laid on either side of him and began cuddling. He looked up at them with a confused look on his face.

“It’s cuddle time, sweetheart,” Dorian told the commander.

Suddenly, they heard the door open below them in Cullen’s office. Cullen looked around frantically and tried to get up, but Dorian and Bull kept him in their warm embrace. They heard footsteps on the floor underneath the loft walk into the center of the room.

“Whatever you’re doing up there commander, keep it down! Josephine has received numerous noise complaints from multiple people within in Skyhold!” Cassandra yelled up to the loft.

“Noise complaints? From who?” Dorian asked, smiling viciously at Bull and Cullen.

“Ugh, Dorian,” Cassandra scoffed, “Well, me for one. Solas, various Inquisition soldiers and shopkeepers, Vivienne, Sara(?) Oh, and you scared Cole.”

“Sera? She was fucking Kara tonight! Wow, great prank Sera,” Bull mentioned, unamused.

“And Bull too? Dear Maker, Cullen. Just keep it down,” Cassandra all too hastily left Cullen’s office, but not before Cullen shouted down weakly, “Will do, Seeker.” 

Dorian laughed, “You sound like you’re still doing business, Cullen. You’re in bed with two men for Maker’s sake!”

Bull chortled at Dorian’s comment, “You know, you’re alright, commander pixie dust,” the qunari professed affectionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehheh i hope you all liked this. also, i'm truly sorry about the "weapon of ass destruction" thing. i looked up on google 'funny names for cocks' and i had to include. ADMIT IT, YOU FUCKIN LAUGHED! i sure as hell did when i read it out loud.


End file.
